That one day that I can’t find a reason…

Tonight is my four year wedding anniversary. My husband slept until 4pm at which time he announce that he didn’t want our usual snacks of cheese and crackers or the anniversary cake we have every year. Nor did he want to watch movies or anything else that we normally do on December 31st.
So, I’ve spent today cleaning. In fact, I just scrubbed down the kitchen floors and cupboards and counters as well as the den walls after his latest blow up.
I’m struggling very hard to remember why I stay tonight. I’ve been called horrid names and been treated in a way that I don’t think anyone should be treated. And I’m wondering… Is it okay to not know why I stay right at this moment? I hope so, because that is where I am at…

“I try to believe,” she said, “that God doesn’t give you more than one little piece of the story at once. You know, the story of your life. Otherwise your heart would crack wider than you could handle. He only cracks it enough so you can still walk, like someone wearing a cast. But you’ve still got a crack running up your side, big enough for a sapling to grow out of. Only no one sees it. Nobody sees it. Everybody thinks you’re one whole piece, and so they treat you maybe not so gentle as they would, could they see that crack.”
~ Rebecca Wells

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